Parenting Not Found In Books (#1)

When children appear in your home with plans to stay, as ours have, many things in your life will change. Of this, much has been written. Sadly, no one ever warned me about one aspect. I would desperately like to use the bathroom alone again. It seems that when I enter the sanctum others feel the need to join me.

Before the kids, the dogs would frequently use the opportunity to catch up on scratches, petting, and the like. As I was trapped, they would seat themselves in front of me and place their chins upon my knees to expess their demands - a sit-in, if you will. The problem could be prevented by shutting the door.

With the kids - not so much. The girl screams at the top of her lungs when doors are closed and the boy can open them, anyway. So I am left with an audience, a menagerie of troublesome interlopers who crowd around me on my throne making my moments of repose a group hug. The girl bangs my feet with whatever toy she has dragged along with her. The boy will often climb into my lap with a book that requires my oratory. The dogs, noting an open door, return to their attentive ways. Even the cat has seen this as the perfect opportunity to seat herself on the windowsill above my head and bang against me in situ. One would think, to put it delicately, they would be driven from the room by the less than appealing features that accompany the act, but the dogs, of course, live for odor and the kids seem not to care at all, probably because portions of their day include a substantially more malodorous lingering of their own making. So, they will not go away.

When my wife goes out with the children, instead of doing something productive, I will just slip into my retreat. It may not be time for a visit, but at least I feel alone. I relax and sometimes just spin the TP on its roller. Ahh, bliss.

I'm hoping they'll grow out of this stage... soon. But until then, I will do my best to enjoy the adoration of my fans. After all, this too, shall pass.