Hair Raising

In my medical freakshow world I've had many peculiar ailments and annoyances. When I began dating my wife I once had a clogged tear duct. It had been uncomfortable for some time. One morning I squeezed on the bridge of my nose in an attempt to de-clog. I felt a thunk in my sinus. I blew my nose and out of it came an object the size and (interestingly enough) shape of a shelled sunflower seed. The clog had apparently been there for some time to accumulate to that degree. I am only fortunate that my wife continued to date me after that.

This morning while puttering about the kitchen I felt a sharp sticking in my heel. I assumed it was a pebble that slipped in during my morning walk. When it didn't go away I finally removed my shoe and sock to see what was what. At first it looked like a splinter imbeded in the bottom of my heel, but upon closer examination I discovered it was a hair. It was not growing there (thankfully). No, its sharp end had burrowed a good half inch into my calloused skin and like a needle was causing me pain. After tugging at it with tweezers it finally slipped its bonds and viola, pain gone. Once again my wife was subjected to my moment. She just shook her head, no doubt wondering if California's lemon laws were applicable to matrimony.

Their should be an entire medical journal dedicated to my experiences.